Up and down weekend...

This weekend started out pretty shitty. I finaly confronted her about her viewing his web site. She said that she did not "contact" him so she thought there was no harm done. This really sent me through the roof. All that was going through my head was that she needed to see that he was still out there. Waiting for the right time to call her back to him. Sure, she is right. She did not "contact" him. But why did she go there?

Thursday night, I was livid when I left for work. I got to work on time and started working on the ATRS block, but I knew I shouldn't. I was in no state of mind to be doing a job like that. So, sure enuff, I chipped it. So I left work early, and got home about 3am. When I got up, I was still too pissed to talk to her. So I went to the car wash pissed too. The whole time at the car wash, the only thought in my head was, why did she go there? The only thing that made sence was that she needed some sence that he was still out there and doing well. And that made me more pissed and scared that she will never let go of him.

About an hour after I got home I finally had calmed down enuff to talk to her. We ended up talking about the same things. Why won't she do anything I asked? Why do I keep digging up the past? How do I know she is sincere? Will I ever get over it?

At the end of it all, after talking for about three hours, we somehow managed to get eachother into a better mood, and agree to help eachother.

Saturday we went tubing down the farmington river at Satan's Kingdom. I don't care what she says, that water was "Fuckin'" cold. But the ride was fun. The rapids were a little lack luster due to the lack of rain. But it was a fun day. The only bad spot was Zack going so far ahead of everyone that I had to paddle like a madman to try and catch up to him, but I was too slow. We finally caught up to him at the end, where the bus gave us a ride back.

After the tubing adventure we stopped at aunt Sharon's house to check out her tag sale. From there we all went over to uncle Al's house to go in the pool. I swear to you this. I have never been in a pool that warm in my life. The water was 92deg. It was about 5deg. hotter than the air. When you got out of the pool, the air actuall felt cold to the point that it gave me goosebumps. Later that night, we went back to uncle Al's to play cards with more of the family. Well, we got to bullshitting so much we never played any cards. But we had a hell of a time just telling eachother stories and such. Found out some rather interesting things about Marcy, but I don't think I need to go into that here.



I just hope that she realizes how hard she is makeing it for me to trust her. I wish that she could understand how much it hurt to see her looking for him again.

But I will pledge to her right now that I will do my best to not bring up the past, as long as she does her best to show me that I am her first choice.