Sadness to frustration...
I'm really starting to feel like a broken record. Why did I even think that this time would be any different? I keep telling her what I need and I always get the same answer. NO! And slowly my mood has changed from sadness to frustration. Frustration at how she tells me how badly she wants to help me and finaly pull the knife out of my back, yet she still says no. Maybe it's time to rethink this whole situation. I've been waiting 6+ months for some closure, yet I still have none. I need to end the pain and frustration. I can't wait for her to do it any longer.
I need to end the pain...
posted by Broken Hubby @ 12:40 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I asked you to help me. You called me a lier...I have been tring..thinking wracking my brain and I have told you all of this. I feel your pain, I feel mine, but mine does not matter. You accuse me of things that are NOT true. You say you want me to open up but how can I when you say what I say is bullshit, and you wont believe me. I have tried, and tried, why do you think I came to you for help. I am just at a loss. I have told you this. I have asked for help and you keep saying the same things to me...letters, phone calls, just something to open your eyes. But yet I have express my feelings NEVER EVER did I say NO. YOu just assumed I said NO. And when ever we talk I get so upset I cry and feel worse about myself. Everyday I work hard at rebuilding myself so I can be what you want me to be, but then when you call me a lier ( and I understand )I get knocked down. I have tried to explain to you but the bottem line is you will not look into my eyes and see my pain and see when I say things that I meen it, I say it becuase I want you, need you and love you!!! I hear what you are saying to me...and everything you say is like a tape recorder that keeps me awake at night. And I try and try every single day to figure out what todo in a way that I feel good about to prove to you...I can only assume by this latest blog post is that you are leaving. and as I sit here and type I am in tears. I want to pick up the phone can call you but I hear anger in your typing. I guess the efforts that I have tried todo and all the Ilove you's do not matter anymore becuase you are leaving me. I wish to god I could take back everything....but now I have to live with my mistakes for the rest of my life. I am sorry baby...I honestly and truely love you!!! I hope you will stay here with me,with our family, and if you leave I understand...because I am no better than the rest and I guess I will have to live with my fuck ups for the rest of my life. maybe someday you will see that I love you...but I guess love is not enough....GOD I WISH IT WAS!!!!!!!!
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