Tired...

Real tired this morning. Only slept about 2 1/2 hours. The damn TV with the news about the bombing in London kept me awake. I feel bad for the people in London, but if you don't have anything new to say, SHUT the FUCK UP. They just keep telling you the same story over, and over until you become numb to it.

The pain from Friday is STILL hard to hide, but I need to try harder. Something is bothering her and I think my looking sad is making it worse.

I have to try to imagine a better time, off in the future. A time when this is all a distant memory, and the only thing that matters is our love for each other. A time when I will not question her motives. I know in my head as well as my heart that we will get there. We just have to learn how to talk to eachother and know each others needs better.

I keep telling myself that I can't worry about things I can't control. I need to stop trying to make her love me. I need to consintrate on making myself a better person. Someone who is more attractive to her. Someone she can't stand to be without. That is the only way to a happy ending.

But it is so hard to break the cycle of saddness. I keep seeing her reaching out to him and it discourages me to the point of depression and it's too much to hide.