The cycle of sadness

Things are starting to get a little clearer in my mind today. Not really clear but a little clearer. I see the perpetual sadness spiral that I am trying to break. It starts with me feeling a little down. She sees this on my face and it brings her down, which in turn makes me a little sadder. And so goes the downward spiral until we are both miserable. There has to be a way to break the cycle of sadness.

I see what she was saying about the therapist. She doesn't want to rehash the past, and I don't blame her. I think that I need to talk to someone though. So, if she decides that she doesn't want to go I think that I will. I need to learn how to talk to her about my feelings without it turning into an argument.

There has to be a way for us both to get what we need out of this relationship. I think my biggest need right now is security. And the only thing that makes me feel secure is when she makes me feel loved and needed. Her almost nonexistent appetite for sex is no help either. It's hard to feel secure when your wife is afraid to get too close for fear that you might want to have sex. I don't mean to say that sex is all I need, but I do need it. I don't know why. Some times I wish I didn't but I can't change that part of me.

Better days are coming........