My head won't stop...

I feel like my head is running an endless tape that keeps repeating over and over again. I feel like I'm trying to do this alone. Last month when we had our long talks I thought that something would change, that something would make me say to myself "I get it now". But nothing has changed. She is still pretending that everything is OK, when it is not. She still thinks that if we just pretend that nothing happened it will somehow magically go away.

I try so hard to just forget, but things like this and this keep me up at night. They keep haunting me. They keep telling me that all of my fears are real. They keep telling me that I am wasting my time trying to work things out.

I want so badly to be able to take all of her pain and guilt away, but how can I do that when I feel so unsure of my own existence? When is she going to realize that these things can't just be berried and forgotten?